How ‘Keep Your Head Up’ Singer Andy Grammer, 40, Dealt With Grief Of Losing Mom To Breast Cancer– Making Music Was a Powerful Therapy

Grammer became one of the music industry’s biggest stars during the early 2010s with notable hits like “Keep Your Head Up,” “Fine by Me,” and “Smoke Clears.” The singer says he had not been dealt such an emotional blow until his mom Kathy’s breast cancer diagnosis in 2009. Specific details surrounding the type of breast cancer Andy’s mom had remain unclear.

Grammer says his music usually focuses on upbeat messages, and his mom’s cancer battle partly fueled that motivation.

“When you lose someone, you have to get to a place where you learn from it. I had no understanding that people were going through this level of difficulty,” Grammer said in Susan G. Komen’s blog.

“It became very important for me as someone who sings songs about lifting people to have empathy for what I’m singing about,” Grammer continued.

Kathy Gram’s Helped

Grammer says since his mom’s cancer rocked his life, breast cancer has had a huge impact on his life, and he considers it “very personal.”

He started speaking out on breast cancer awareness more and incorporated his advocacy into his live performances.

“I started to have some cultural significance,” Grammer said.

While performing, Grammer would say to the crowd, “If you or anybody is going through trouble, if you tell me what’s going wrong, I will try to write you a specific ‘Kathy Gram,’” which is a short song to offer words of encouragement and honor his late mom.

“I did that for a long time. I’m singing some of the songs that I wrote for people, and that was some of the ways that I kind of got through it,” Grammer added.

Grammer also partnered with breast cancer advocacy organization Susan G. Komen and has since been appointed as an ambassador.

“I miss my mom every day, but I’m grateful for what I got from that situation.” “It’s helped me see that people are going through pain all the time in all different aspects of life, and there can be a lot of beauty that comes from that,” Grammer said.

 

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Coping With a Diagnosis and Grief

Grief is defined as the devastation that occurs when we lose someone. Grieving comes in five stages, commonly referred to as the “five stages of grief.”

The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. These stages can occur in any order.

As you experience some of these stages, remember that the emotions you are feeling are meaningful but also temporary. If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventual acceptance, you will come away from this period with a renewed sense of resilience and purpose.

WATCH: Managing the stages of grief.

“Grief comes in waves,” says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

“They’re grieving the change in their life; the future they had imagined is now different.”

Some days can be tougher than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy can be helpful. For the help you need, it’s important to reach out to your doctor, a therapist, or support groups in your community.

SurvivorNet spoke with Megan Newcomer, who lost a close friend to metastatic cancer in 2018. She shared her unique way of coping with grief. Her friend was an athlete and soccer player, so to help her cope, she embarked on a marathon race in his honor.

Newcomer advises others grieving to first “acknowledge your feelings.”

“Then, think about a way that you could honor the person through a meaningful mechanism. So that can be artwork, music, or developing a financial fundraising project. It could be something very simple, but I do think having it be intentional, that this is what you’re doing to help honor this person,” Newcomer adds.

New York-based clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin says it may be helpful to remind yourself that these feelings are “meaningful yet temporary.”

“If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventually acceptance, you will come away from this period in your life more connected to your resilience and strength,” she wrote for SurvivorNet.

Health Challenges Can Impact the Entire Family

Research published in The Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine studied the impact of disease on family members. It was found that: “Most chronic diseases have similar effects on family members [as they do on the patient], including psychological and emotional functioning, disruption of leisure activities, effect on interpersonal relationships, and financial resources.”

Feelings of “helplessness, lack of control, anger, embarrassment” are some common emotions parents, siblings, and other relatives within the household of someone battling a health condition may experience, according to researchers.

WATCH: How to talk to your children about your diagnosis.

Other ways a disease, for example, may impact the lives of family members include:

• Affecting sleep
• Concerns about medical treatment
• Altered food choices
• Using religion, spiritual, and cultural beliefs to cope
• Concerns about understanding the disease or illness
• Needing support from others
• Limited freedom
• Worrying about the death of a loved one

Our experts agree that forming a strong support system can help everyone in the family cope with the challenges a diagnosis can bring. These situations can be opportunities to strengthen families and bring them closer together.

Tips to Cope with an Unexpected Diagnosis

Facing a new cancer diagnosis can be stressful and scary — but it’s important to remember that you are not alone and there are many directions you can turn to for support. Experts recommend the following:

• Let your family and close friends know and let them help. So many cancer survivors tell us they want and need support but are often too preoccupied to make specific requests. Urge those close to you to jump in with whatever practical help they can offer.
• Keep a journal. It can be highly cathartic to let those feelings loose on paper. Grab a pen and a lovely journal and chronicle your thoughts throughout the day.
• Join a cancer support group. Groups in nearly every community offer opportunities to connect with others going through a similar journey. You’ll learn constructive insight from others who can tell you what to expect and how to stay strong on tough days.
• Consider seeing a therapist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist so you can discuss your fears and concerns in a safe space. Often, vocalizing your thoughts and feelings rather than internalizing them can provide relief.

Learn more about SurvivorNet's rigorous medical review process.

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